They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
