Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
