zippers are such a cool invention
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
