you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
