We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
