I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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