Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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