At least make sure they are 18
Why
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
