i was born a porn star she said
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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