Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
