Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
