she woke up with a sticky ear
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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