I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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