well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
