Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
