saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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