Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
