Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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