how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
