I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Even my vagina gasped.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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