Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
