I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
