This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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