Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
