Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
