we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize