the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
