i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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