i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
