people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
