How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
