a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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