cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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