I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
