I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
