just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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