All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I puked a lego.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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