You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pooping to opera.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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