hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
