i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
