don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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