you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
