Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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