I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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