I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
