So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
