we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
