I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
