I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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