just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize