addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
