This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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