She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
