yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
