Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
