So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
