It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
