My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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