come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
