i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
