Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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