I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
