How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
