I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
