ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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