mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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