I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
