Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
