There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize