Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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