i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
