I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
