Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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